You probably know that Five by Five rule, right? It says: “If anything that upsets you isn’t going to be relevant or worth your attention in five years, don’t spend more than five minutes upset about it.” I try to live my life by this quote since I have heard of it for the first time. Well, recently I am more and more thinking about inventing a new rule of my own.
It should go something like this: “If anyone has upset you or made you cry three times, don’t give him/her any more chances to do it again.” Let me explain.
Sure, it comes to a situation when you say a wrong word or you insult someone with some act by a mistake. Many religions teach us about forgiveness and it really is a huge burden to hold grudges against someone for a long time. But when you are in a relationship where you keep feeling cheap and degraded, that is when you know you need to change something.
I am not talking about love relationships only even though my example is going to be from my ex-boyfriend. We have been together for a year and that time counts as one of the worst periods in my life. I can barely recall few days in that year that I did not spend crying and asking him to stop doing things that I find inappropriate like writing love messages to other woman, buying them gifts, going out with them without me and coming home drunk, planning to go on a vacation with some of them as “friends only”, etc. I kept thinking he is going to change and realise that I loved him more than any of those other women but the one who has realised something was me. People do not change. (Or better said, I cannot change other people.)
I have figured out he was not doing this to hurt me, but because of who he is. So finally I gathered some courage and left him. After just a couple of days I have started feeling much better and today as I am looking back I cannot believe it took me so long to break it off.
The truth is that I have difficulties leaving people behind and moving on. I always have so much belief that people are not hurting me intentionally that I persist till the very last point where I can still take it. This is why I invented this rule – so it never happens again that I get caught in a relationship like that.
Maybe I should give you another example. Recently I met someone and at the beginning we got along well. It could be said we became friends. But soon I have realised he is not taking my work and hobbies seriously at all. He had zero understanding that I was tired after my 12 hours of ride from work back home and he has yelled at me for falling asleep before texting him “good night” (even though I texted him I am home safe). He had zero interest in what I do on my Instagram and what I write about in my blogs (even though I spend almost every minute of my free time doing this and I told him it means a world to me). Oh, and the third time he made me really upset was when he randomly asked me to get naked to show him my breasts. Did I mention he was just a friend I recently met and we were friends only?!
So you can imagine that I have decided to cut him off, not to lose any more time with a person who does not respect me. Those three situations were just enough for me to realise that. I have been called an “Ice Queen” many times before and I understand if you think that as well.
We are all human and I make terrible mistakes too. But I believe we are not meant to get along well with every person on this planet. There are just too many different types of people. The good thing about this is that we have a choice who are we going to hang out with and the options are (almost) limitless.
So if you often have a feeling that you are hanging out with the wrong people: I am sure you are going to find some great friends and a perfect boyfriend/girlfriend for you. All you have to do is stop interacting with the ones who make you feel bad about yourself and look for the ones who are going to support the work that you do and appreciate you.